Many times, a pregnant woman will want doula support at the birth, but the father may feel like his role of supporting the mother

...take his place at the mother's side
...do all of the supporting, leaving nothing for him to do
...interfere with the private birth atmosphere

It is the father's natural instinct to protect and preserve his relationship, and when emotions are high, like at a birth, those instincts can be especially strong. Birth is a very intimate event and some fathers feel uncomfortable with the idea that his wife needs someone other than him for support.

Not every father wants to be actively involved in the birth process. Some participate because it is expected of them, and not because they truly want to. Some would rather stand outside like fathers of old, pacing the floor and waiting for the big news! Most do, however, want to be present and actively participating in the birth process, supporting their partner and caring for her in the same ways he does in daily life. Some fathers want to be coaches for the birth, some want to be guided in how to support, and some want to stand by and let other people do the physical support. For everyone of these fathers, it is critical to keep in focus that not only is his wife transforming into a mother, he is also transforming into a father. This transition should be recognized and honored.

My goal as a doula is to help families have the births they hope for, balanced with coping with whatever the Birth Fairy may bring. While we are in the birth room, I do not interfere with the loving bond between mother and father. It is my job to support the birthing couple, not just the mother. It is not my hand that she wants to hold, it is yours!